|Every|
I sighed for the umpteenth time of the day. Though I was holding a duster, and it was lightly gazing at the ornaments, I knew they won't be cleaned anytime now.
"After tonight, the bond thing will be finally over. No more hiding." Fah whispered next to me.
I huffed and looked away from her. She has been reminding me of it for a few days. And I couldn't help but get annoyed by her words. Reminding me of the guests leaving, aka Grey leaving, didn't matter to me the past few days. But when alpha Grey said he wouldn't be taking me with him, it hit me like a truckload of bricks.
I had no idea from where I got that thought. But I expected him to take me from this pack. I expected him to get me out of the hell I lived. Because... well~ did he expect me to stay in my pack my whole life when he was away?
And I suddenly felt like his secret lover... someone he won't like to let the world know about... What was I expecting again? Maybe he felt like I wasn't that special. Was it only me who felt something...
Ugh...
I dropped the duster to the ground and crouched down. I couldn't seem to concentrate on my work with everything going on in my mind. I had so many questions, but no one would be able to understand or answer them. I felt clueless.
"Ah. Paper and pencil. What is in your mind." Fah slipped a paper and a pencil into my hands. I shook my head. I wasn't in the mood to tell her about what was in my mind, though I knew she was going to be my only comfort in the end. Not Grey, not any secret lover from the woods, but her.
"Hey... I know things don't go smoothly as we expect," she mumbled as she sat next to me. "If this is about Grey leaving. I don't think you should be like this. Go meet him tonight and talk about it. Clear your mind." she said.
I slowly scribbled a reply.
'He said he won't take me with him.. not any time soon.'
Fah was silent for a second. Then she pulled me for a hug.
"You chose to take the risk, Eve. Shouldn't you have some patience now? Plus, if you think those feelings were real, if you think he likes you for real, I am sure he will do something about it. Be patient and wait, okay?" she asked.
I nodded, wiping the silent tear that made its way down my cheek.
She was right. I should've talked with alpha Grey about it clearly without storming out of the woods. He was having a hard time too.
The rest of the day blurrily passed.
I finished my work and finally sat on a bench in the backyard. My hands started sweating at the thought of having a conversation with Grey about him leaving. I wasn't ready to talk with him, but there wasn't enough time left to prepare myself for it.
Deep down, I felt bad for him for being stuck with me. He deserved much more, someone who could defend themselves when bullied and not someone who would cry a bucket when bullied.
'Stop having negative thoughts, Eve. You clearly know that you are worthy. Stop having these thoughts just because he asked for some time. I am a hundred per cent sure he will be back for us.' Sparkle said.
'It might be easy for you to say. But I feel so insecure.'
'You feel like that because you don't trust him enough. Look at the picture from his point of view. Then come down. Don't be disheartened just because he said he needs time. Okay?'
'Mmm... I think we should head into the woods. He might be waiting for us already.'
'Yep.'
So I got up from the bench and started walking towards the small border where the backyard and the woods were separated. Then I started walking down the familiar path.
The ground was wet and squishy. The thick layer of snow made it hard for me to walk. It slowed me down. With every step I took, my feet buried inches into the snow. Sometimes I even tripped when I couldn't see obstacles on the ground cause they were covered with snow.
When I arrived at the usual meeting place, I saw alpha Grey pacing around while kicking at the snow with his leather boots. I hid behind a large tree and watched his actions. I couldn't help but become sadder with every passing second.
He didn't seem to be sad. He seemed to be like every other day. I bit my lower lip to stop myself from spilling the tears which gathered in my eyes. I wiped those with the back of my hand and walked over to him after making sure there weren't any signs of tears on my face.
"You are late," he commented as soon as he saw me. "I won't be able to stay long tonight. We have the ceremony to participate in," he said.
I didn't react to any of his words but stayed rooted to where I was. He slowly walked toward me, and every step he took made me realise how temporary everything was. He would be going back to his pack the next day morning. There were only a few hours left.
And my heart started scolding me. It was all because of me.
Why didn't I kiss him before, why did I have to act stubborn, and why did I try to avoid him all the time? If only I knew things would come to a stop like now, I would've kissed him the second I met him. I would've embraced him and asked him to take me with him.
But time had already passed, and there was nothing I could do. I felt as if I was the only one fighting to be together.
Alpha Grey walked closer to me and pulled me into a hug.
"I won't see you for a while so....." he started saying this and that soothingly to my ears. His voice was like music, but I couldn't hear anything he said. The only thing I could hear was his heartbeat which became my favourite thing in my ears.
He said everything very casually. He seemed to be sad that he had to go, but I was sure he didn't feel what I felt.
"Just wait for me, okay?" he finally asked.
I nodded to his chest. He broke the hug and took a look at my face. Damn it. I wanted to cry.
"And don't ever think I can't get you. I feel just like you do... but there's more in my bucket..." he trailed off. I squinted my eyes at him and waited for him to continue what he wanted to say.
"I haven't found my mate, and it's been seven years... so the elders might try to get me a mate as in, an arranged marriage or something. I've to stop it before I take you with me," he said.
That brought me into my thoughts.
It was the tradition to accept the mate that elders choose for the person who cannot find a mate. That rule worked only if that person won't find their mate after five years or so. And no one went against the elders because they were well respected.
"Can you try being in my place for a second?" he asked.
I nodded.
I shouldn't have been selfish.
He had feelings too. He had so many things on his side. And he was trying to solve everything before he took me with him.
I pulled Grey down from his collar and pressed a kiss on his cheek. And for the first time, I felt what I was doing was correct.