|Every|
'I already told you that Grey and I talk', I wrote in the notebook.
"But I thought it was a one-time thing." Fah whisper-yelled. She quickly took a glance at the room to make sure no one was awake.
I gave her the 'duh' look. It made her know that her words were wrong. Then I took the pen again and started writing everything I wanted to tell her.
'Coincidence is a bich. We met a few times coincidentally. I tried my best to ignore him. However, we talked, and it happened.' I wrote.
"It happened?! What did you guys do???" she asked.
I quickly shook my head and wrote, 'I mean, we became kind of like friends.'
"Friends?" she asked as if to confirm my words.
I nodded.
"Mm, but you do understand this is dangerous, right? Even after revealing a few things I know about this pack, you still do things like this, Eve. I don't know how to stop you anymore. I just told you about the pack a few hours ago, and the next thing I know, you are kissing the guest alpha, who's not a random person but the alpha of the largest pack, for god's sake! What if someone finds out!" she exclaimed.
I looked down at my hands, feeling bad.
Even after- wait, what?!
Kissing?!
I looked at her with wide eyes. Did she see that?!
"Yes, I saw that." she slowly said as if she read my mind.
With shaky hands, I grabbed the notepad again and wrote.
'I swear I didn't do anything. We talked about mates, and he kissed me - on my lips.'
"That can't just happen... you know that, right? Well, I know most of the people are players, but I don't think you allowed him to kiss you knowing he was a player, right?" she asked.
'He's not a player.' I wrote. 'I don't even know how it happened. Is it wrong?' I wrote, expecting her to say, "No, Eve. It's not wrong. Not at all. You two didn't do anything wrong. What is wrong here is the pack, not you. And a small kiss is not a big deal either."
"It's very wrong." she dropped the bomb. "Does he have a mate? Is he your mate? Are YOU his mate? Which pack are we in again? What if someone who's not me saw you two kiss? Do you two even know each other well to be intimate like this? Do you have feelings for him? Do you like him? Love him? Does he like you, love you??" she asked and asked me a million questions. One question rose right after another.
I took a deep breath and started writing answers to every question she asked.
'He doesn't have a mate. He's been looking for seven years, and I don't know if he's my mate or not. And you know that, for me, getting a mate is like finding a needle in the hay because I don't emit pheromones. I don't feel bond connections. I don't even have the pack's link."
I wrote more; 'I don't know what's it like to like someone. But he makes me feel comfortable to be around. Maybe it's too soon to feel like this, but... I think I feel something. I don't know what it is... I don't want him to dislike me. I want him to... like, talk with me... things like that. I know what happened was wrong. If you ask me to stay away from him, I can do that... I think.. well, I know I did something dangerous. But... why do I want another kiss?'
I finished writing with a silent tear rolling down my right cheek. It walked down and down and finally dropped on the notepad I was writing. The teardrop landed on the word 'dangerous' and blurred the ink within seconds.
"Eve." Fah softly called me as she rested both her hands on my shoulders. She looked right into my eyes. We shared eye contact. "You are in love."
My lips parted in surprise.
She might be lying...
Or was she teasing me?
"Trust me. This is not good... I am so happy you are in love and that you feel a connection with that person. And I am pretty sure that Grey person mirrors your feelings-"
I quickly shook my head.
There was no way it was happening.
"Eve-" I slapped her hands away and got down from her bed. Under her watchful eyes, I quickly got onto my bed and tucked myself under the sheets.
There was no way it was happening.
I didn't want to fall in love with a stranger.
I didn't want to fall in love in a situation where freedom is like a rare gem.
I didn't want to fall in love with someone who wasn't my mate.

Having a completely sleepless night, I found myself watering some plants at the entrance of the packhouse. I was entirely out of the world as the plants bathed from the waterdrops I poured in.
And just like that, after a long time, I felt like a living corpse all over again.
I thought falling in love was going to be magical, lovely, giddy, and breathtaking. But I didn't feel any of those at the moment. Instead, I was feeling insecure. Scared. Embarrassed, a spark of self-hate bubbled inside me.
What would happen if my mate was to show up in this situation?
I felt like a betrayer all over again. And most of all, I was putting myself and everyone's life in danger. I was playing with feelings... but I didn't mean for any of those to happen.
My thoughts suddenly got cut off when some hands grabbed me from behind, and I fell to the ground with a heavy thud. The water bucket I was holding poured over me from head to heels soaking me wet...
Great.
Some of my pack members laughed aloud and walked past me as if I was the funniest thing they'd ever seen. I couldn't hate them more.
I slowly got up to my legs and shook my wet hair. I sighed, watching the water that was dripping down my body. Then I heard some footsteps, and I turned around to see one person I didn't want to see at that moment, Grey.
We looked at each other for a second.
He was alone.
I was alone.
I was staring at him.
But he was staring at my chest.
I looked down too.
My thin t-shirt was sticking to my breasts, making it a perfect see-through...